16 January 2011
13 January 2011
Motherless mom
Since I have had Kara I have learned just how valuable having a mom is. No one can replace the ability to talk about parenting with the woman who raised you. You can surround yourself with other moms, you can have a great mother-in-law, but it doesn't replace or make up for not having the woman who parented you there. Sometimes she left your life early, sometimes later. You may have known her really well or not at all, but you still feel her absence.
I often have mini conversations with my mom. I will ask her "how did you do this? how did you get through everything?" In my head I will hear a reply of "I just did." But I know that her real reply would have been much longer, much more thought out and caring. I'm sure it would have included at least one "oh, babe" or a gentle knowing smile. Sure I can ask my dad how things went, but the answer is not the same as it would be from her.
Not everything with mom was sunshine and rainbows. I don't want readers to think that she was always a great mom. Hell is putting it mildly some of the things she put us through. Mom drank, a lot, frequently. Starting in about 5th grade or so she was absent from my life more than not. She had some amazing clear moments and times. And then life was so wonderful! Not because she wasn't drunk but because she, genuinely, was a fantastic woman. I even remember my entire senior year of high school with great fondness in part because she was sober for almost the entire year! But past that and she was drunk. Drinking is what killed her. She was drunk, she fell and got a concussion. I am glad I no longer have to deal with the drunk. But I miss the woman, and especially the mom, she really was.
So back to being a motherless mother. When you don't have that one person to turn to how do you cope? Why is it that getting advice from people who aren't Mom just isn't as true, real or important? Is it the title or the fact that this woman grew you, raised you, and then left? Does it make it any more painful if she left early in your life? or later? I don't think the duration of her presence is that important, you still feel the loss. You still notice the gaping hole that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot fill, patch over or ignore.
I sometimes wonder if my children are anything like I was. Did my mom often watch me and see her behaviors reflected back? How did she try to adjust her own behavior to help me erase the bad ones and keep the good ones? Did she ever struggle to figure out my own sleep behavior and get it to match what she needed from me? I know my dad can fill in some of the gaps, but somehow it isn't the same as hearing it from her.
I have a large collection of my mom's writing. Some of it was creative, some was journals. In the 11 and a half years she's been gone I have read through some of it maybe 7 times. I keep hoping that when I do get a chance to look through it I'll find some piece that mentions me, her struggles, her choices. A guide almost to how she parented. But I also fear what I may find in all those pages. I don't know if it's content or lack thereof that I fear the most.
I look at my girls and I feel a strong resolve to make sure I'm healthy and around as long as possible. I want to be here for them when/if they go through their own mothering crisis. I don't want them to have to imagine me saying "I just did" or "oh, babe". I want them to be able to use whatever new technologies exist then to contact me and hear me say "I struggled through it. I had some really rough times. But then you'd turn to me and smile or hug me and I knew then that all the rough times must surely be worth it".
As a resource for others going through this. Please check out Hope Edelman's books "Motherless Daughters" and "Motherless Mothers". While I have not had the funds or chance to read the latter the former was of great benefit to me. You can find out more about her on her site http://www.hopeedelman.com/
I often have mini conversations with my mom. I will ask her "how did you do this? how did you get through everything?" In my head I will hear a reply of "I just did." But I know that her real reply would have been much longer, much more thought out and caring. I'm sure it would have included at least one "oh, babe" or a gentle knowing smile. Sure I can ask my dad how things went, but the answer is not the same as it would be from her.
Not everything with mom was sunshine and rainbows. I don't want readers to think that she was always a great mom. Hell is putting it mildly some of the things she put us through. Mom drank, a lot, frequently. Starting in about 5th grade or so she was absent from my life more than not. She had some amazing clear moments and times. And then life was so wonderful! Not because she wasn't drunk but because she, genuinely, was a fantastic woman. I even remember my entire senior year of high school with great fondness in part because she was sober for almost the entire year! But past that and she was drunk. Drinking is what killed her. She was drunk, she fell and got a concussion. I am glad I no longer have to deal with the drunk. But I miss the woman, and especially the mom, she really was.
So back to being a motherless mother. When you don't have that one person to turn to how do you cope? Why is it that getting advice from people who aren't Mom just isn't as true, real or important? Is it the title or the fact that this woman grew you, raised you, and then left? Does it make it any more painful if she left early in your life? or later? I don't think the duration of her presence is that important, you still feel the loss. You still notice the gaping hole that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot fill, patch over or ignore.
I sometimes wonder if my children are anything like I was. Did my mom often watch me and see her behaviors reflected back? How did she try to adjust her own behavior to help me erase the bad ones and keep the good ones? Did she ever struggle to figure out my own sleep behavior and get it to match what she needed from me? I know my dad can fill in some of the gaps, but somehow it isn't the same as hearing it from her.
I have a large collection of my mom's writing. Some of it was creative, some was journals. In the 11 and a half years she's been gone I have read through some of it maybe 7 times. I keep hoping that when I do get a chance to look through it I'll find some piece that mentions me, her struggles, her choices. A guide almost to how she parented. But I also fear what I may find in all those pages. I don't know if it's content or lack thereof that I fear the most.
I look at my girls and I feel a strong resolve to make sure I'm healthy and around as long as possible. I want to be here for them when/if they go through their own mothering crisis. I don't want them to have to imagine me saying "I just did" or "oh, babe". I want them to be able to use whatever new technologies exist then to contact me and hear me say "I struggled through it. I had some really rough times. But then you'd turn to me and smile or hug me and I knew then that all the rough times must surely be worth it".
As a resource for others going through this. Please check out Hope Edelman's books "Motherless Daughters" and "Motherless Mothers". While I have not had the funds or chance to read the latter the former was of great benefit to me. You can find out more about her on her site http://www.hopeedelman.com/
10 January 2011
I'm only just pretending
I remember when I was younger and I'd babysit. I didn't do it because I particularly liked kids. I did it because I wanted to have money to do things with and had been told that was how girls my age got it when they didn't get allowances. I remember how sometimes (probably more than I care to admit) I'd look at my watch and wonder "when will your parents be home?". I find myself thinking that sometimes now that I'm the parent. I'll look at my watch or the calendar and think "when will the parents be home?". But I'm the parent. At least, that's what people keep telling me.
I swear sometimes that I'm just pretending at this adult/parent thing. I may be turning 33 but I often feel like I have the answers of an 18 year old. Ok, not what an 18 year old will tell you, because well, they're invincible and have all the right answers. But the answers and 18 year old actually has. That is, none and the wrong ones. Somewhere down the line I thought that someone would have the answer key, the solution or even just the operators manual to being an adult. It seemed like my parents knew what they were doing, even when they disfunctionally did not. So if my parents could figure all this out even with all the hell we went through, why couldn't I? To my youthful eyes it always appeared that they somehow found the money to buy food, pay the bills, keep us clothed and in a functioning house. All with a decent pile of gifts at the required times. Sure I remember being told "we don't have the money/time for that" but as a kid you expect to hear that because well, that's just something adults say to get kids to leave them alone. I saw the struggles my parents went through, but for some reason, it never clicked that that was what life was really like. Probably because I knew our situation was far far from normal (for those who do not know, my mother was an alcoholic).
We all are told to get through high school so we can go to college. But then what? We get a degree and are supposed to get a job right? But what about everything else that comes in life? When are we supposed to learn about investing for a future that no one can predict? What if what your passion doesn't make money (come on people, do you really expect me to make a living working in theater)? Has anyone ever been offered a class on how to build a healthy, functioning social network (not Facebook style, in PERSON)? How do we learn when to decide to take the car in to fix the gas gauge versus using those funds to do the repairs your house needs? Who teaches us how to adjust to being a spouse, a parent, or a parent of more than one child? In this ever global world we live in we rarely stay close to family, the people that used to teach us and mentor us in those lessons. Now we must struggle on and forge our own way. Hoping that we are not taking wrong turns or about to encounter the Minotaur.
In middle school I was in a play called "It's all Greek to me". The entire premise was to show different Greek myths. I got to play both Persephone who sits in hell crying for her mommy and Ariadne who gave Theseus the ball of thread to lead him safely out of the Labyrinth and away from the Minotaur her father had created. Lately in my parenting I feel as if I am Persephone more than Ariadne. But then again, I could just be the actor and only pretending until the real parents come home.
I swear sometimes that I'm just pretending at this adult/parent thing. I may be turning 33 but I often feel like I have the answers of an 18 year old. Ok, not what an 18 year old will tell you, because well, they're invincible and have all the right answers. But the answers and 18 year old actually has. That is, none and the wrong ones. Somewhere down the line I thought that someone would have the answer key, the solution or even just the operators manual to being an adult. It seemed like my parents knew what they were doing, even when they disfunctionally did not. So if my parents could figure all this out even with all the hell we went through, why couldn't I? To my youthful eyes it always appeared that they somehow found the money to buy food, pay the bills, keep us clothed and in a functioning house. All with a decent pile of gifts at the required times. Sure I remember being told "we don't have the money/time for that" but as a kid you expect to hear that because well, that's just something adults say to get kids to leave them alone. I saw the struggles my parents went through, but for some reason, it never clicked that that was what life was really like. Probably because I knew our situation was far far from normal (for those who do not know, my mother was an alcoholic).
We all are told to get through high school so we can go to college. But then what? We get a degree and are supposed to get a job right? But what about everything else that comes in life? When are we supposed to learn about investing for a future that no one can predict? What if what your passion doesn't make money (come on people, do you really expect me to make a living working in theater)? Has anyone ever been offered a class on how to build a healthy, functioning social network (not Facebook style, in PERSON)? How do we learn when to decide to take the car in to fix the gas gauge versus using those funds to do the repairs your house needs? Who teaches us how to adjust to being a spouse, a parent, or a parent of more than one child? In this ever global world we live in we rarely stay close to family, the people that used to teach us and mentor us in those lessons. Now we must struggle on and forge our own way. Hoping that we are not taking wrong turns or about to encounter the Minotaur.
In middle school I was in a play called "It's all Greek to me". The entire premise was to show different Greek myths. I got to play both Persephone who sits in hell crying for her mommy and Ariadne who gave Theseus the ball of thread to lead him safely out of the Labyrinth and away from the Minotaur her father had created. Lately in my parenting I feel as if I am Persephone more than Ariadne. But then again, I could just be the actor and only pretending until the real parents come home.
06 January 2011
The demonic holiday
We have declared our holiday of 2010 the Demonic Holiday. This is all from the time we got back from Minnesota to the time we had to leave for Wisconsin. So over a span of 3 weeks. It was one crazed event after another. Here's the short-short version in no particular order:
When we went to finally get our Yule tree it was to a new farm we hadn't been to. It was cold, very windy, and farther away than last year's farm. Adam and I hadn't been communicating well and it continued to the day. Everyone was cranky and the tramping around in bad weather and an unfamiliar place with no guidance didn't help. I ended up sending Adam and Kara to the car while I found and tried to cut down the tree on my own, with Rowan strapped to me. Someone else had to finish cutting it down. Then I had to haul it to the car on my own. At least Adam managed to get it on the car. When we got home, Adam was sick. And I mean sick. After everyone but I took naps I went to get the tree off the car and inside. Adam tried to help me get it up but while he was holding it and I was on the floor tightening the stand he had to let go and throw up. So while I held the tree up while I sat on the floor I managed to call a friend to come help get the tree up. Before you ask- if I had let go of the tree it would have fallen on Kara and Rowan (who, by the way, were not happy and crying).
Kara had just gotten over being stomach sick and now Adam had it. Then Kara was sick right away again, this time with an ear infection, then Adam got sick again (just a basic cold, but a doozy of one), then Rowan got it, then I got it. Then we were ALL sick, at the same time. Right before Yule and our trip to Wisconsin. Kara managed to get all of her energy back when the rest of us were totally laid up.
We almost didn't get the tree decorated or anything done and ready for our Wisconsin trip. Adam barely got done shopping for gifts for me. As it was, I think he went shopping the day before Yule. And yes, we had to have the tree. We were home for Yule and it meant a lot to me. It would have made me even sadder to not have it at all. We got most of the ornaments up, not all, but most.
The car got a flat tire twice, it was the same tire both times too. The turn signal on the car also had to be repaired twice.
One night we decided to make pizza for dinner. As Adam went to get it out of the over it flipped upside down while part way in the oven. There was cheese everywhere inside the oven! Then Kara didn't want to eat it because it was all wrong.
I made cookies for a cookie swap that didn't turn out all fluffy like they should have been, and the peppermint was so strong that it gave me heartburn. The exchange then got canceled. Anyone want a bunch of flat really strong peppermint meringue cookies?
Adam almost had to return a day early for a meeting. He would have had to buy a round trip ticket the day before we were to return, then get back to me in order to get all our bags and all of us home. No way in hell was I going to try and fly with a connection in O'Hare with 2 kids. Not yet anyway. Thankfully the meeting got rescheduled.
2 of the gifts we ordered for each other hadn't arrived by the time we left for Wisconsin. Note to self- check on the one that STILL isn't here.
I ordered 3 items on-line from a marketplace for my sister-in-law. I was then told that one of them was no longer available, didn't get responses on how much to send for two other attempts to get things, and one of the things I ordered was not the same as it was listed. Thankfully I did manage to get her 2 of the 3 items we wanted. Note to self- order the 3rd item and get it sent to her.
I planned on getting the gutters cleaned before we left. They had to reschedule it because they messed up on their schedules. Of course it snowed before they came out and the gutters were then clogged with ice. Thankfully they did still get them cleaned.
We had a 6 am flight out of Baltimore to O'Hare with an hour and a half to make our connection. That actually wasn't too bad. We got a hotel room in Baltimore the night before, we all managed to get decent amounts of sleep (I slept in a bed with Kara, Adam in a bed with Rowan or she would have been trying to nurse all night). We got through security fine. As we were getting all of our things back together a guy who was high on something (and not life) looked at us, pulled a beat up $20 out of his wallet and said "get something for the kid". He threw it at the car seat and walked off talking to himself and anyone else he could. Kara cringed every time he talked, and that's saying a lot! Making the connection wasn't too bad, we did have to walk quickly. Returning was a different story. Our first flight was late, then landed at O'Hare at the furthest runway. We then had about 20 minutes to get to the other side of the airport before the next flight was supposed to depart. We were told to take a shuttle. After waiting in line for the shuttle for 5 minutes they told us it was a 15 minute walk to our gate and the shuttle was packed so walk it. We RAN and almost didn't make it. Adam got there before I did and the door was closed. THANKFULLY they were still loading bags and waiting on more (from our flight I suspect) so they let us and 2 others on. We then sat there for another 10-15 minutes as they loaded bags. And yes, our bags did all make it back with us (phew!).
In the time we had been back from Minnesota Kara had gone to school only 1 day. So I was about ready to lose any sanity left.
Adam & I had been "fighting" for quite a few days. In our world "fighting" is really not communicating well and then getting frustrated with each other, not talking outside of "did you get this done? Well, why not?" and not touching. We thankfully took some time to go over things before the stress of the flight.
While in Wisconsin Adam had the chance to play casual soccer games with the current high school soccer team. It was a benefit for a former teacher and principal that had an accident and broke his back (he's now partially paralyzed). Adam was the oldest person there, none of the other alumni showed up, so he was playing against kids about half his age (15-18 year olds). He managed to hold his own, but in all that he got a foot to the ankle. No, it's not broken. But it swelled up and he got a massive bleeder bruise. His foot, ankle, up his calf have been purple, black, and red for a week and a half. He went into the doctor today. But it meant he wasn't very mobile for most of the trip.
Neither girl slept well the entire vacation. So neither Adam nor I slept well either.
When Adam and I went to go out for a date the movie we wanted to see, Tron Legacy, was canceled due to technical difficulties. So we went to a restaurant where they had cheese curds Adam really liked. Only to find out they were out of them. Neither of us was very impressed with our meal that night. Date night dud!
Yup. Demonic holiday. I'm sure I'm forgetting something in all of that.
When we went to finally get our Yule tree it was to a new farm we hadn't been to. It was cold, very windy, and farther away than last year's farm. Adam and I hadn't been communicating well and it continued to the day. Everyone was cranky and the tramping around in bad weather and an unfamiliar place with no guidance didn't help. I ended up sending Adam and Kara to the car while I found and tried to cut down the tree on my own, with Rowan strapped to me. Someone else had to finish cutting it down. Then I had to haul it to the car on my own. At least Adam managed to get it on the car. When we got home, Adam was sick. And I mean sick. After everyone but I took naps I went to get the tree off the car and inside. Adam tried to help me get it up but while he was holding it and I was on the floor tightening the stand he had to let go and throw up. So while I held the tree up while I sat on the floor I managed to call a friend to come help get the tree up. Before you ask- if I had let go of the tree it would have fallen on Kara and Rowan (who, by the way, were not happy and crying).
Kara had just gotten over being stomach sick and now Adam had it. Then Kara was sick right away again, this time with an ear infection, then Adam got sick again (just a basic cold, but a doozy of one), then Rowan got it, then I got it. Then we were ALL sick, at the same time. Right before Yule and our trip to Wisconsin. Kara managed to get all of her energy back when the rest of us were totally laid up.
We almost didn't get the tree decorated or anything done and ready for our Wisconsin trip. Adam barely got done shopping for gifts for me. As it was, I think he went shopping the day before Yule. And yes, we had to have the tree. We were home for Yule and it meant a lot to me. It would have made me even sadder to not have it at all. We got most of the ornaments up, not all, but most.
The car got a flat tire twice, it was the same tire both times too. The turn signal on the car also had to be repaired twice.
One night we decided to make pizza for dinner. As Adam went to get it out of the over it flipped upside down while part way in the oven. There was cheese everywhere inside the oven! Then Kara didn't want to eat it because it was all wrong.
I made cookies for a cookie swap that didn't turn out all fluffy like they should have been, and the peppermint was so strong that it gave me heartburn. The exchange then got canceled. Anyone want a bunch of flat really strong peppermint meringue cookies?
Adam almost had to return a day early for a meeting. He would have had to buy a round trip ticket the day before we were to return, then get back to me in order to get all our bags and all of us home. No way in hell was I going to try and fly with a connection in O'Hare with 2 kids. Not yet anyway. Thankfully the meeting got rescheduled.
2 of the gifts we ordered for each other hadn't arrived by the time we left for Wisconsin. Note to self- check on the one that STILL isn't here.
I ordered 3 items on-line from a marketplace for my sister-in-law. I was then told that one of them was no longer available, didn't get responses on how much to send for two other attempts to get things, and one of the things I ordered was not the same as it was listed. Thankfully I did manage to get her 2 of the 3 items we wanted. Note to self- order the 3rd item and get it sent to her.
I planned on getting the gutters cleaned before we left. They had to reschedule it because they messed up on their schedules. Of course it snowed before they came out and the gutters were then clogged with ice. Thankfully they did still get them cleaned.
We had a 6 am flight out of Baltimore to O'Hare with an hour and a half to make our connection. That actually wasn't too bad. We got a hotel room in Baltimore the night before, we all managed to get decent amounts of sleep (I slept in a bed with Kara, Adam in a bed with Rowan or she would have been trying to nurse all night). We got through security fine. As we were getting all of our things back together a guy who was high on something (and not life) looked at us, pulled a beat up $20 out of his wallet and said "get something for the kid". He threw it at the car seat and walked off talking to himself and anyone else he could. Kara cringed every time he talked, and that's saying a lot! Making the connection wasn't too bad, we did have to walk quickly. Returning was a different story. Our first flight was late, then landed at O'Hare at the furthest runway. We then had about 20 minutes to get to the other side of the airport before the next flight was supposed to depart. We were told to take a shuttle. After waiting in line for the shuttle for 5 minutes they told us it was a 15 minute walk to our gate and the shuttle was packed so walk it. We RAN and almost didn't make it. Adam got there before I did and the door was closed. THANKFULLY they were still loading bags and waiting on more (from our flight I suspect) so they let us and 2 others on. We then sat there for another 10-15 minutes as they loaded bags. And yes, our bags did all make it back with us (phew!).
In the time we had been back from Minnesota Kara had gone to school only 1 day. So I was about ready to lose any sanity left.
Adam & I had been "fighting" for quite a few days. In our world "fighting" is really not communicating well and then getting frustrated with each other, not talking outside of "did you get this done? Well, why not?" and not touching. We thankfully took some time to go over things before the stress of the flight.
While in Wisconsin Adam had the chance to play casual soccer games with the current high school soccer team. It was a benefit for a former teacher and principal that had an accident and broke his back (he's now partially paralyzed). Adam was the oldest person there, none of the other alumni showed up, so he was playing against kids about half his age (15-18 year olds). He managed to hold his own, but in all that he got a foot to the ankle. No, it's not broken. But it swelled up and he got a massive bleeder bruise. His foot, ankle, up his calf have been purple, black, and red for a week and a half. He went into the doctor today. But it meant he wasn't very mobile for most of the trip.
Neither girl slept well the entire vacation. So neither Adam nor I slept well either.
When Adam and I went to go out for a date the movie we wanted to see, Tron Legacy, was canceled due to technical difficulties. So we went to a restaurant where they had cheese curds Adam really liked. Only to find out they were out of them. Neither of us was very impressed with our meal that night. Date night dud!
Yup. Demonic holiday. I'm sure I'm forgetting something in all of that.
14 December 2010
I understand why...
I now understand why, when I was young and got sick, my mom would go get my medication and come back with what I thought of as treat drinks and foods. She was doing anything she could to get me to eat or drink! I also understand why she would buy me something fun like a book, coloring book, activity book or some other activity I could do while sick. For one, she was trying to keep me entertained by anything other than TV. Two, she felt bad that I was so sick.
Kara has a double ear infection mixed with a cough that occasionally has that seal bark sound. Thankfully her fever is mild and so far she hasn't thrown up. The stomach bug was 2 weeks ago. She will just rest her head on our lap and cry. We've had such a hard time getting food in her that we're going to start offering Jello (I know, it's not really food. But it's something!). I need her to rest and stay inactive so that her body can fight the infections. I'm also trying to tend to Rowan (who just got 2 vaccines). Oh yeah, and get ready for Yule, Adam's birthday, and a trip to Wisconsin. Oh yes, and still maintain the normal routines and needs of the house. So I'm not able to play with Kara, or read to her, in a way that will keep her resting. So, evil idiot box time it is. I have never been so thankful for over 100+ channels, a DVR, DVD and VHS as I have when Kara is sick! I feel so bad that she's so sick and doesn't get to play with friends (she will miss 2 playdates and 2 days of school this week. I can't tell which of us is crying over that more). I want to buy her treats and toys and things to cheer her up. But dang if this kid doesn't have more than she normally plays with anyway. So I restrain myself and say that it's my love, my attention and my compassion she needs more than my gifts.
I know part of my feeling bad for her is because she's been sick a lot lately. She got sick before our trip to Minnesota- stomach bug. Then she got sick on the way home from Minnesota- stomach bug on the plane. And now she's sick again. Oh yeah, that plane trip was very "interesting". She threw up when we were at the airport, we had no clue she was sick. Then she kept throwing up on the plane ride home. And then again a few times at home. We used all the motion sick bags we could get our hands on. The flight attendants were very understanding thankfully. Sadly they were all out of extra bags, thankfully other passengers gave us theirs.
Mom, I understand all you did when I was sick. I hope that my girls feel as comforted and tended to as I did by you!
Kara has a double ear infection mixed with a cough that occasionally has that seal bark sound. Thankfully her fever is mild and so far she hasn't thrown up. The stomach bug was 2 weeks ago. She will just rest her head on our lap and cry. We've had such a hard time getting food in her that we're going to start offering Jello (I know, it's not really food. But it's something!). I need her to rest and stay inactive so that her body can fight the infections. I'm also trying to tend to Rowan (who just got 2 vaccines). Oh yeah, and get ready for Yule, Adam's birthday, and a trip to Wisconsin. Oh yes, and still maintain the normal routines and needs of the house. So I'm not able to play with Kara, or read to her, in a way that will keep her resting. So, evil idiot box time it is. I have never been so thankful for over 100+ channels, a DVR, DVD and VHS as I have when Kara is sick! I feel so bad that she's so sick and doesn't get to play with friends (she will miss 2 playdates and 2 days of school this week. I can't tell which of us is crying over that more). I want to buy her treats and toys and things to cheer her up. But dang if this kid doesn't have more than she normally plays with anyway. So I restrain myself and say that it's my love, my attention and my compassion she needs more than my gifts.
I know part of my feeling bad for her is because she's been sick a lot lately. She got sick before our trip to Minnesota- stomach bug. Then she got sick on the way home from Minnesota- stomach bug on the plane. And now she's sick again. Oh yeah, that plane trip was very "interesting". She threw up when we were at the airport, we had no clue she was sick. Then she kept throwing up on the plane ride home. And then again a few times at home. We used all the motion sick bags we could get our hands on. The flight attendants were very understanding thankfully. Sadly they were all out of extra bags, thankfully other passengers gave us theirs.
Mom, I understand all you did when I was sick. I hope that my girls feel as comforted and tended to as I did by you!
20 November 2010
Adventures in flying
We have arrived in Minnesota! The flight was pretty uneventful as flights go. But when you add two children you get an eventful flight.
Our day started off ok, we all got up with the alarm so we had plenty of time to get ready for the day and finish packing up. We were talking the trip and flight up with Kara in the morning.
We explained that we had to listen to other people a lot; security officials, flight attendants and pilots. Kara asked "will they have eye patches?" We were very confused until we asked "will who have eye patches?" To which Kara said "the pirates that fly the plane. Will they have eye patches?" My daughter apparently decided to emulate Ruth from Pirates of Penzance.
We had planned on leaving by 10 am so we could get through security, get lunch, and get to our gate with plenty of time to spare. We hit a few small snags when Kara refused to get dressed, eat, or do anything we asked of her. Once we finally got her dressed and fed we decided to use that dreaded and abhored of all babysitters- *gasp* the tv! Oh no, not the tv! She might actually learn something from some of the shows or, horror, leave us alone for more than 5 seconds. We got out of our house right on time and, as far as we know, with everything we need. We got to the airport where I dropped Adam, Kara, and most of the luggage at ticketing. I then took Rowan and parked the car, then rode a bus to the terminal. We went straight to security where everyone was quite helpful. I was fully prepared to refuse the naked photo scanners and to see how they dealt with patting down a 3 year old. My activist and mommy bear instincts were at full alert. Thankfully they reserve all that for the people they want to give "special" treatment to. Apparently a family with two small children didn't, at this time, raise their terrorist alarms. Everyone at the check point was helpful and calm while we held up the line. Picture this; 2 adults, one 3 year old, one 4 month old, 2 car seats, 2 adult backpacks, 1 laptop, 1 child's backpack, 1 purse, 1 carryon size suitcase, our coats and shoes, and a few bags with liquids that needed inspecting. Yup- lots of chaos and fun. Even the other travelers were patient! We got lunch, and waited a bit for the plane. Thankfully we timed things such that the wait was just long enough for Kara to watch planes and get excited but not get bored. The attendants were very helpful in letting us preboard, and the flight attendants on the plane were helpful and nice. I got very lucky and got a friendly woman who loved babies next to me. We chatted most of the flight and she even offered to hold Rowan if we needed. She let me set drinks on her tray since I couldn't get mine down while I was holding Rowan.
During the flight we had hoped the girls would nap. Rowan took a few short snoozes. Kara, on the other hand, took a few tantrums. At points she didn't want to be buckled, wanted to go with Adam to change Rowan's diaper, wanted her tray down and her drink on it (despite being shown that it couldn't go all the way down and would spill her drink), wanted Adam's tray up (despite being shown that then her drink, mine and Adam's wouldn't have a place to be set down), wanted to play with my puzzle book but not hers, and who knows what else. Adam had the adventure of changing Rowan's diaper in the small bathroom with Kara in there too. But no one got sick, we didn't disrupt the other passengers that much- at least no one gave me the evil eye.
As we were getting ready to land Kara excitedly asked "are we going to jump out of the plane now?" She had seen a video of one of her grandpas doing that and apparently thought that was how you got out of a plane. We all laughed, even the flight attendant. We explained that wasn't how you wanted to leave a plane like this. Everyone was very nice and helpful as we got off the plane too. The pilots were willing to engage Kara as she chatted to them. We got our luggage, met up with our ride, and got to my dad's house. Kara then got to play with two of her cousins. They were loud, rambunctious, and had a blast!
Now we are settling into being in Minnesota. Kara's loving all the snow and requests dishes of it to eat.
Here's hoping the next flight goes as well!
Our day started off ok, we all got up with the alarm so we had plenty of time to get ready for the day and finish packing up. We were talking the trip and flight up with Kara in the morning.
We explained that we had to listen to other people a lot; security officials, flight attendants and pilots. Kara asked "will they have eye patches?" We were very confused until we asked "will who have eye patches?" To which Kara said "the pirates that fly the plane. Will they have eye patches?" My daughter apparently decided to emulate Ruth from Pirates of Penzance.
We had planned on leaving by 10 am so we could get through security, get lunch, and get to our gate with plenty of time to spare. We hit a few small snags when Kara refused to get dressed, eat, or do anything we asked of her. Once we finally got her dressed and fed we decided to use that dreaded and abhored of all babysitters- *gasp* the tv! Oh no, not the tv! She might actually learn something from some of the shows or, horror, leave us alone for more than 5 seconds. We got out of our house right on time and, as far as we know, with everything we need. We got to the airport where I dropped Adam, Kara, and most of the luggage at ticketing. I then took Rowan and parked the car, then rode a bus to the terminal. We went straight to security where everyone was quite helpful. I was fully prepared to refuse the naked photo scanners and to see how they dealt with patting down a 3 year old. My activist and mommy bear instincts were at full alert. Thankfully they reserve all that for the people they want to give "special" treatment to. Apparently a family with two small children didn't, at this time, raise their terrorist alarms. Everyone at the check point was helpful and calm while we held up the line. Picture this; 2 adults, one 3 year old, one 4 month old, 2 car seats, 2 adult backpacks, 1 laptop, 1 child's backpack, 1 purse, 1 carryon size suitcase, our coats and shoes, and a few bags with liquids that needed inspecting. Yup- lots of chaos and fun. Even the other travelers were patient! We got lunch, and waited a bit for the plane. Thankfully we timed things such that the wait was just long enough for Kara to watch planes and get excited but not get bored. The attendants were very helpful in letting us preboard, and the flight attendants on the plane were helpful and nice. I got very lucky and got a friendly woman who loved babies next to me. We chatted most of the flight and she even offered to hold Rowan if we needed. She let me set drinks on her tray since I couldn't get mine down while I was holding Rowan.
During the flight we had hoped the girls would nap. Rowan took a few short snoozes. Kara, on the other hand, took a few tantrums. At points she didn't want to be buckled, wanted to go with Adam to change Rowan's diaper, wanted her tray down and her drink on it (despite being shown that it couldn't go all the way down and would spill her drink), wanted Adam's tray up (despite being shown that then her drink, mine and Adam's wouldn't have a place to be set down), wanted to play with my puzzle book but not hers, and who knows what else. Adam had the adventure of changing Rowan's diaper in the small bathroom with Kara in there too. But no one got sick, we didn't disrupt the other passengers that much- at least no one gave me the evil eye.
As we were getting ready to land Kara excitedly asked "are we going to jump out of the plane now?" She had seen a video of one of her grandpas doing that and apparently thought that was how you got out of a plane. We all laughed, even the flight attendant. We explained that wasn't how you wanted to leave a plane like this. Everyone was very nice and helpful as we got off the plane too. The pilots were willing to engage Kara as she chatted to them. We got our luggage, met up with our ride, and got to my dad's house. Kara then got to play with two of her cousins. They were loud, rambunctious, and had a blast!
Now we are settling into being in Minnesota. Kara's loving all the snow and requests dishes of it to eat.
Here's hoping the next flight goes as well!
14 November 2010
Preparing for departure...
Oh the fun we all have around the holidays. I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to have all these major holidays crammed into such a short space of time. We start off with at the end of October Halloween (we call it Samhain). Less than a month later there's Thanksgiving, about a month later Yule and a week after that New Years. Come one people is it really necessary to cram all these into such a short space and time? This is why I prefer Pagan holidays. Everything is evenly spaced out- 8 holidays over the year (and it would have been pretty evenly if you go by moon/sun cycles and not these random 30, 31 and 28 day months- but that's another rant). Of course 2 of these holidays are the days we are expected to be with our family the most. If you happen to have moved away from where your parents are, the expectation to return is even greater. Add children to the mix and well.... yeah. You can pull the "we want to start our own traditions" card, but they will most likely counter with the "but we want to see you for the traditions we had when you were growing up" card. Or "but it's about being together as a family" card (I would like to point out that this is what it's become, but not necessarily the original reason for the holidays).
So, all that ranting aside. Here we are, the Sunday before our departure for the first of 2 major trips. We leave this week for a trip to my family in Minnesota. We'll be gone for over a week. Getting ready entails: all laundry being done, the house at least sort of picked up, a cat sitter arranged, packing, children prepared, and lots of logistics to be worked out. I'm sure I'm forgetting things. Oh yes: the fridge cleaned out and mail stopped (whew! I did that one already). Since weekdays leave me precious little time to get things done, we cram as much as we can into a brief 2 day weekend. I have lists all over the place of things to get done and what to pack. I have decided to let certain things go for the sake of everyone's sanity (if we forget something I will not freak, I will not freak, I will not freak, I will not freak. If I say it long enough I might actually believe it!).
We have to be sure that Kara is appropriately prepared for what's going to happen. We'll drive to the airport, this is what security will be like, then we wait, then we get on the plane, then we wait.... then we take off, then we wait while we're flying (by the way, we can't get up and move around and we can't get off the plane). Then we land and wait until we're allowed to get off the plane, then we walk to wait for our luggage. Note how much we have to wait? If you have a 3 year old, you know that "wait" is not in their vocabulary. So, we prepare ourselves with lots of fun snacks, toys, even videos. And prayers. Lots and lots of prayers.
We also are working out how to get 2 adults, 1 three yr old, 1 four month old, 2 car seats, 2 adult backpacks, 1 child's backpack, and 1 carry on onto the plane. I'm not even going to think of the logistics of before we check our 2 large suitcases. No wonder people used to live closer to their parents.
Don't get me wrong. I am looking forward to seeing my family. But man oh man, the things we do to travel with kids. So, you will have to excuse this rather uninspired post- I'm now off to fold the first of 4 loads of laundry.
So, all that ranting aside. Here we are, the Sunday before our departure for the first of 2 major trips. We leave this week for a trip to my family in Minnesota. We'll be gone for over a week. Getting ready entails: all laundry being done, the house at least sort of picked up, a cat sitter arranged, packing, children prepared, and lots of logistics to be worked out. I'm sure I'm forgetting things. Oh yes: the fridge cleaned out and mail stopped (whew! I did that one already). Since weekdays leave me precious little time to get things done, we cram as much as we can into a brief 2 day weekend. I have lists all over the place of things to get done and what to pack. I have decided to let certain things go for the sake of everyone's sanity (if we forget something I will not freak, I will not freak, I will not freak, I will not freak. If I say it long enough I might actually believe it!).
We have to be sure that Kara is appropriately prepared for what's going to happen. We'll drive to the airport, this is what security will be like, then we wait, then we get on the plane, then we wait.... then we take off, then we wait while we're flying (by the way, we can't get up and move around and we can't get off the plane). Then we land and wait until we're allowed to get off the plane, then we walk to wait for our luggage. Note how much we have to wait? If you have a 3 year old, you know that "wait" is not in their vocabulary. So, we prepare ourselves with lots of fun snacks, toys, even videos. And prayers. Lots and lots of prayers.
We also are working out how to get 2 adults, 1 three yr old, 1 four month old, 2 car seats, 2 adult backpacks, 1 child's backpack, and 1 carry on onto the plane. I'm not even going to think of the logistics of before we check our 2 large suitcases. No wonder people used to live closer to their parents.
Don't get me wrong. I am looking forward to seeing my family. But man oh man, the things we do to travel with kids. So, you will have to excuse this rather uninspired post- I'm now off to fold the first of 4 loads of laundry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)